|02:41 am - i can't complain|
well i say the passion tonite. i'm not practicing in my religion, but i def. believe there is something bigger and better than us. i cried my eyes out, really made me evaluate the way i live my life. tommy saw it w/him, he handed me a tissue, he he.
like i just started thinkin, no matter ur denomination,Jesus died b/c he believed so strongly in God. no one, regardless of their religion, can deny that. i dont think its important to practice specific rituals or follow certain rules, as long as u live a way u can be proud of and value the right things.
the movie had me thinking that maybe i dont value the right things, i put so much emphasis on money and material things, and i forget the natural beauty that lays around me, i forget that people are people and they have feelings and priorities and worries and problems just like me.
jesus went through probably the worst death i can imagine, because he believed in something. what do i believe in so strongly that i would give myself up to the hands on unforgiving, terrible people? theres people that i would give my life for -- but i would hope it would be a quick gunshot or something. i was crying watching what they were doing to him. it was the most horrific thing i ever saw. i thought of matthew shephard and eddie polec, and not to discredit them at all, but theyre deaths were not half as gruesome as jesus' and yet, we took time out to give those people proper rememberance. when in my day do i stop to thank jesus?
sorry if i sound really corny -- but the movie does make u want to go to church. it does make u want to believe in something. i think we so often loose sight of whats important and our time on earth is so short, there must be something beyond that and something greater. the question is: are we living a way that when we make it to the greater world will we be proud of how we lived our life? i feel awful talkin about this b/c im not one to push my beliefs on anyone or even talk about religion b/c i know its such an uncomfortable topic. but when i make it to the gates of heaven and i meet this man who died for everyone and in result gave birth to a religion that has been part of my life forever, will i even be worthy to speak to him. i do not want to look away in shame b/c i have sinned so badly that i feel i should hide from my God.
even if his love for us in unconditional, don't we want to live in a way he is proud for us. it is like a parent sort of relationship. our parents love us no matter what we do, but we don't want to disappoint them. could u imagine if ur parents knew everything u did at all times, no censors, no holds barred? i would die if my mom know some things, but, luckily, she doesn't. God does though. Such a frightening thought.
i feel like i should just give up sex and smoking and drinking .. but im also not goin to make promises that i can't keep. but i want to change how i treat people and what i value. i felt so shallow after i had this ephiphany b/c some people changed theyre outlook from a death or 9-11, it took a MOVIE to change my views? how stereotypical of my generation.
anyway i'm going to switch gears from a moment ....
so i woke up kinda early today (11am haha) -- went to tom's he took me to the dining car and we grabbed breakfast, i saw this girl ange that used to always hang out w/me and nic and raff. odd i dont think she recognized me though. if she did she didnt say hey. bitch .. hahah na.
we went to the gym and lifted for a whiiiile. im so sore now from it, i think i pulled my hamstring, im kinda limping haha.
came home, took a bath with some nice salts, in hopes of regenerating my hamstring, no luck. ate dinner w/the fam, ended w/me getting pissed off b/c they were talkin politics and religion and my mother always goes off on a tangent even though no one is disagreeing w/her.
i went and saw the passion w/tommy. we STILL DID NOT KISS. but we cuddled during the passion.
i made plans to go over tomorrow, hes making me eggo waffles and then we're hittin the gym.
gonna talk something else up now ....
this kid kayin is a comedian. i havent seen him perform yet. but hes from northeast and he told me hes got experience in philly.
ryan has BASE ENTERTAINMENT. his agency for fadule.
well, im gettin a management degree and then assuming im goin to law school for entertainment law. im gonna talk to ry see if he wants kayin IF i get a part in BASE ...
i like the idea. ry's not stupid, i get his nyc connections, he gets my philly. we both actually work together to form a lucrative talent agency and we'll have two talents. sooo freaking hot.
i called ry kinda gave him a rundown. well a voicemail he called me back and i told him id call him later
he called playen tough like whys this kid need me if hes in philly and im like ry hes not in nyc. so im gonna meet w/kayin for lunch on saturday. and then ill have a talk w/ry.
i'll let you know but i really like the idea of settin up a business. anyway i dont know how much longer i can keep working out and still not have a perfect stomach. its killin me but then again i just ate a handful of chocolate and its 3am.
oh yeah bflan called me from miami this morning, lucky bitch partied w/paris hilton and nick carter last nite. damnit to hell. haha.
well im not tired and the chocolate the coffee and the shit i take when i work out isnt helping but i need sleep for tomorrow -- plus my hamstring = gimp leg and my back hurts blah blah blah.
Current Mood: sore
Current Music: Billy Joel - Only The Good Die Young